Turning Over Stones
If a picture is worth a thousand words, there is a picture of my dad and me that is worth a million words to me! It’s a 55-year-old picture I’ve treasured for years of five or six wide-eyed 7-year-olds lying on our tummies on a bed of smooth river rocks in shallow clear water with this wonderful adventuresome man looking for funny little creatures under the rocks. It may seem like an ordinary moment to an adult, but to my Cabin #1 Kamp friends and me, it was an event we’d never forget!
“Creating adventure” with your kids is such a powerful asset to a parent as we seek to “train up a child in the way that they should go.” This moment in the creek with my dad was 55 years ago, and it still reigns in my mind as one of the many “precious moments” in my childhood!
Every day at K-2 I get to work out with 40 to 50 teenage boys and “turn over stones” in their heart to find out “what God is up to” in their “dreams and their genes.” Every other day at K-2, I get to meet with 100 to 150 teenage Kampers in the K-2 chapel and get to “turn over stones” in the spiritual pilgrimage of our K-2 future leaders who want to go back to their high schools and make a difference for God. I love “turning over stones” with kids more than I can describe. As a dad and granddad, there’s absolutely nothing on this earth better than “turning over stones” with my kids to see what God is up to with their “dreams and genes.”
A Spirit of Adventure
A day as a parent is a treasure hunt in itself. A 24-hour day being “mom” or “dad” is a gift from God that is unparalleled in this world. When I wake up with an adventuresome heart and “dive into the creek” with my kids to see if I can help them turn over one new stone and find one new discovery, I’m going to make a great contribution to my legacy in that child that day.
It takes a parent to see what’s under that stone!
When God made parents he also crafted in the heart of kids a “partial blindness” that draws a parent to the child for insight. Kids so often can’t see what’s under the stone! Peer pressure, popularity, guilt, bitterness, self-centeredness, junk media, looks, vanity, materialism etc. fill the “creek of true discovery” with big heavy stones that cover what really matters in the heart of a child.
The Wonder Years
Oh my! My heart races back to those toddler years and elementary years “diving into the creek of discovery” with my kids as the most wonderful, rich, amazing years of my life!
There are three super important keys to ensure that the “wonder years” become successful “discovery years” that will plant fruit trees along your children’s pathways that will provide an abundant harvest for a lifetime.
A. An Eye For Adventure
Yes, the “school bus” – “school lunch” – “soccer Saturday” – “make-ends-meet” - “you’ve already outgrown those jeans?” – “catch yourself coming and going” – “pull-your-hair-out years” some days make you feel like you are going nuts! The demands are mind boggling! And yes, during those days one eye is always “on the ball” of the day to day challenge. But, in the midst of it all, the truly effective parent always has one eye on “what’s under the stones in the creek.” Discovery unfolds as you take time every day to think, pray, praise and dream.
B. The Power of Great Questions
There is an old Kanakuk proverb that says a question is worth a thousand answers in the heart of a child.
Inward Questions (Questions that communicate care)
“How was your day? (Really?)”
“What was the best thing you learned in school today?”
“What was the highlight of your day?”
Outward Questions (Questions that communicate value)
“Did you have an ‘I’m Third’ moment today?”
“Whose face did you put a smile on today?”
Forward Questions (Questions that communicate vision)
“What do you like most about your teacher?”
“Why do you think firefighters and police officers are valuable to our community?”
“Why do you think missionaries are so valuable to God?”
“If you could be anywhere in the world serving God in any capacity, what would you choose to do with your life?”
“What talent has God given you that makes you feel the most joyful when you use it?”
Upward Questions (Questions that communicate virtue)
“In this Bible verse we read tonight, love was spoken of. What came through to you?”
“If Jesus could feed five thousand with five loaves and two fish and have 12 basketfuls left over what could he do with you if you gave him your whole life?”
I remember my SMU football coach, Hayden Fry, telling me what he admired most about my dad. He said that Daddy was unique because he was one man who when he asks you “how your day was” he really wanted to know! While our kids have great big “bologna detectors” in their brains that filter out duty and busyness and “going through the motions” style parenting, they also have a sponge, a great big dry sponge that wakes up every day longing for true, sincere, prioritized care for their dreams and aspirations that lie just below the surface of the water; just underneath the stones of discovery awaiting your careful touch.
C. Creating Visionary Moments
As a parent I want to always find time on my daily, weekly, monthly and annual calendar to “take my kids to the creek” and “turn over stones” with intentionality. It’s far too easy to toss in a DVD, stick a video game in their lap, turn up the iPod and get through the daily grind. But, in the chaos, if I set a few guiding priorities such as the following, my child and I are going to discover some amazing treasures along the pathway.
Every day, ask your child how you can pray for him/her and pray with him/her over those needs.
Every day, look for a bible verse together and ask God for vision from the “Word of Truth.”
Every week, do something creative, one-on-one, in the house or out of the house that simulates your child’s gifts and talents.
Every month, take a one-on-one “mystery trip” (maybe it’s 2 hours or 2 days) that demonstrates your interest in furthering your child’s dream.
Find a creative way once a week to “win together” with your child. From painting pictures together to playing catch together to building “towers” out of building blocks, Legos, or doing puzzles, board games or the Wii together, choose any way you can to get on the side of your child and help that child to take one more step of discovery.
Take’em On A Treasure Hunt in the Field of Failure
Treasure hunting with your kids during tender moments of failure is an art that can be developed by a patient parent who wants to be effective when ‘the chips are down.’ What your child will discover during this process will actually become the foundation of his/her own success as a parent, spouse and professional down the road. Failure is inevitable. Yes. But failure can be the best classroom your child will ever attend.
Treasure Map #1
Walk through Philippians 4:8 together. Ask questions like, “What do you see in this situation that is true?” “What is happening here that is honorable?” Continue the process with the terms “right”, “pure”, “lovely,” “excellent”, and “worthy of praise”. Be patient and look for treasures together. A patient parent will help a hurting child see God’s bigger plan.
Treasure Map #2
Walk through James 1:2-4 together. Ask with warmth, “Can you find joyful possibilities in this difficult circumstance?” “Why is perseverance a significant attribute to your future success?” “What is God doing here to make you a better person in the long run?”
Treasure Map #3
Walk through Romans 8:28 together. Ask “What are some ways God can use this for your ultimate good?” “Do you think God uses difficult circumstances to handcraft good things in your life?” “How have you seen God do this in your past?”
Treasure Map #4
Walk through I Thessalonians 5:16-18 together. Ask questions like, “If we give God thanks in all circumstances, even this one, what will happen to our character and outlook on life?” “Why is an “attitude of gratitude” a treasure in the hunt for a truly joyful life?”
The Crisis Years
When one of my children was a teenager and “covered with stones” of dark depression over difficult friendships and pressures from sports and school, we would “go to the creek” night after night and pray together, sometimes cry together and “turn over stones together” awakening dreams.
“I believe in you buddy.”
“I see so much tenderness in your heart.”
“God is going to use you in great and mighty ways.”
“You can’t see it right now through the tears, but I see qualities in you that are budding through these painful difficulties that are going to make you an amazing husband, father, coach, pastor, and leader of men one day.”
Over the months of crisis, we “turned over stones together” and the dark cloud lifted. Now those discoveries are becoming a reality as they will be for you and your child.
You don’t need a degree in adolescent psychology to “go to the creek” and “turn over stones” with your preteen or teen. Adolescent work is a two-sided coin.
Communicating boundaries requires just a little bit of savvy and creativity and a whole lot of relentless commitment. The savvy comes from Scripture and the way God handles his commandments. Job 31:1, Psalm 101:3, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6, 2 Timothy 2:22, 1 Corinthians 6:9 and 1 Corinthians 6:18 communicate the boundaries of sexual purity with the eyes, mind and body. The savvy of the presentation is this: God’s commands are to protect and to provide. To protect us from tragedy, guilt and shame and to provide all God’s best for our life’s eternity. Even in the commands of our home we are “turning over stones” of God’s greatest desire for our own child’s life.
1 Corinthians 15:33 communicates the requirement for choosing good friends.
2 Corinthians 6:14 communicates the need to have boyfriend-girlfriend relationships (if at all) with only strong, Godly believers.
Ephesians 6:1 and 2 communicates the need for obedience and honor to the parent in the home.
A Parent Who Is Friendly
My favorite coaches of my time, Ray Utley, John Paul Young, and Hayden Fry at SMU and Gene Stallings at Texas A&M were firm, tough, demanding guys, but they always believed in me. They always were my friends (and still are). My Dad was a man’s man in every way, but he believed in me. He was my friend. My mom was and is my greatest encourager. She never stops believing. My boys and girls and your boys and girls know without a doubt where we stand on issues. But as parents we’ve got to have a special sparkle in our eye, a word of encouragement in our voice, a soft shoulder to lean on and an available heart to cry on ––no matter what! No Matter What!
The story goes of a young eager boy who wanted to take a fishing trip with his dad who was busy during the week and busy on weekends (I’m sure my kids can relate painfully well to this story). Every night, 7 nights a week, the boy would pour out his heart and write in his journal how much he longed for an adventure with his dad. The dad also had a habit of journaling at night before bed. He usually wrote about the demands and challenges he faced every day. One weekend the dad got tired of being asked and carved out a Saturday for the trip. They camped out together and ended up staying in the tent for 36 hours because it never stopped raining. On the way home from the trip, there was a terrible auto accident. The father and the son both perished in the accident.
Through all her tears, the mom was overjoyed to find both her husband and her son’s journals unharmed in the wreckage. The last entry in the father’s journal read, “Rained all day. Unable to fish. A complete waste of time.” Her sadness turned to blessing when she read the last entry in her son’s journal, “Went fishing with my dad. Best day of my life.”
Enjoying turning over stones with you and your child,
Joe White
President, Kanakuk Kamps
P.S. Hey, just wanted to mention our Kanakuk Golf Kamp to you. We are really proud of the Golf Kamp and how it has developed in the few short years it has been in operation. It has given young men the opportunity to grow in their skill as golfers as well as growing closer to Christ. We have procured for them some of our best local golf courses including Branson Creek, Payne Stewart Golf Club, and Murder Rock—3 of MO’s finest courses. Our Golf Director has come up with some great extra activities to broaden the golfer’s experience at Kamp (Springfield Cardinals baseball games, a day at Silver Dollar City, ziplines, water slides, pool time, K-Life evening events at K-2, etc.). All this and they stay in the air-conditioned cabanas at our Kauai Family Kamp! If you know a teenager who would love to play lots of golf (18 holes most days) - plus time on the driving range and working on various golf skills –please tell them about the Kanakuk Golf experience. Sign up today at www.kanakuk.com
P.P.S. Here’s a great recipe for some springtime blueberry muffins!
Dad’s Blueberry Muffins (as my kids call them)
4 cups flour
2 sticks of butter (melted)
4 eggs
1 ≤ cups sugar
4 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup milk
5 cups of frozen blueberries
Serves 6 to 8 hungry kids.
In a medium bowl, mix flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside. In a large bowl, blend melted butter, sugar and eggs. Add dry mix and milk simultaneously and blend. Stir in frozen blueberries. Place in greased muffin pans or cups. Sprinkle cinnamon sugar on top of each and bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes. Then turn the oven down to 375 degrees and continue to bake for another 10 minutes. Recipe can be easily halved or quartered.